I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
