It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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