He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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