Pappa wants mamma naked
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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