Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
