I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
