Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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