i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
