I wish I could punch you in the face.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
