There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
