I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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