well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
