he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
