I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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