i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
