we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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