Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
