I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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