Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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