About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
