I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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