I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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