I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
