dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
