I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
