When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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