i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
