i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
