If i come over, it means nothing
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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