I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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