you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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