I feel like abortions should bother me more
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I need a burrito and a hug.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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