i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
whose ass print is on the piano?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You are a genius and a whore.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
