just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
