i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
