I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
