She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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