alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
