Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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