we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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