I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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