The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
