What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
