I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
