She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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