He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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