I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
