pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
