Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
