just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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