well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
