just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
