escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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