Soap is not a condiment
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
