All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
