There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
